Haha
(A young man asks for a ticket for an R-rated movie and hands me his ID. I’m about to sell him the ticket when the lady behind him speaks up.)
Lady: “Wait! That picture in the ID doesn’t look like him at all!”
(I look at the ID. It appears he’s been sick since the photo was taken, but it’s clearly the same guy.)
Me: “Well, ma’am, I’m fairly certain that this is the correct ID. Now, if you’d just step up–”
Lady: “No! You can’t sell to someone with a fake ID. He could be a terrorist, for God’s sake! You should call the police!”
Me: “Ma’am, that is definitely not necessary. I am responsible for checking identification, and I–”
Lady: “I need to talk to your manager!”
(I begin to respond, but the guy politely waves me off and turns to the woman.)
Man: “Miss, I have another photo ID here, with a more recent picture. Do you think this matches?”
(He pulls a card out of his wallet and hands it to her. She goes completely white.)
Lady: “Well… um… yes, that’s, uh, fine!”
(She squirms for a moment, then exclaims, “I’ll be right back!” She drops the card and leaves the theater in a hurry. I give the guy his ticket.)
Me: “What was that you showed her?”
Man: “Oh, my handgun permit.”
Ook een goede
Me: “[Law office], how can I help you?”
Caller: “Yes, I need an attorney for my grandson. He was arrested for stealing a car.”
Me: “Okay, can you give me details?”
Caller: “Yes, he was at the bar and after he decided to leave, he got in the wrong car and left with it. He didn’t mean to do it. He was just confused.”
Me: “What kind of car did he steal?”
Caller: “A charcoal-grey Jeep Liberty…”
Me: “Okay, and what type of car does he have?”
Caller: “Oh, he doesn’t own a car…”
Me: “Ma’am, I don’t think I can help you.”
En nog een
Me: “…and your total comes to $4.45.”
Customer: “Well, I’m a close friend with the owner and he told me that you’ll hook me up with the drink.”
Me: “I’m sorry, unless he told me directly I can’t do that for you.”
Customer: “Are you calling me a liar?”
Me: “Yes.”
(Coincidentally, Bob, the owner, shows up so I give him his usual coffee.)
Me: “Here you are, Bob!”
Customer: “Oh, so you can hook that jerk-off up with a free drink but not me?”
Me: “Sir, it’s not polite to call your close friend a jerk-off.”
Och, nog eentje dan
Caller: “I don’t care what your little book says, put my f***ing power on!”
Me: “I can’t do that for you unless you pay your debt in full, sir.”
Caller: “Why are you being a b**** about this? Just let it slide!”
Me: “We’ve been letting it slide for months, sir. You now owe us in excess of a thousand dollars. Our rules are very clear: we are not to reconnect your power until you pay your debt.”
Caller: “F*** you! I’m going to kill you! I’m going to come to your house and kill you!”
Me: “The difference between you and me, sir, is that I know where YOU live.”
Caller: *click*
