Crap jokes time.....

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TheStoat
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Re: Crap jokes time.....

Bericht door TheStoat » 24 apr 2009, 09:13

Plane joke.....

...on reaching his seat on the plane, a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee where upon the parrot squawks, "And get me a whisky you cow!" The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot and forgets the coffee.

When this omission is pointed out to her the parrot drains its glass and bawls, "And get me another whisky you bitch." Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another whisky but still no coffee. Unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot's approach, "I've asked you twice for a coffee. Go and get it now or I'll kick your ass."

Next moment both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards. Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says, "For someone who can't fly you're a ballsy bastard!"

TheStoat
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Re: Crap jokes time.....

Bericht door TheStoat » 05 mei 2009, 13:52

The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian war party.

The Indian Chief proclaims, "So,YOU are the great Lone Ranger.... In honour of the Harvest Festival, YOU will be executed in three days. Before I kill you, I grant you three requests. What is your first request?'

The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse."

The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away.

Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.

The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. "You have a very fine and loyal horse but I will still kill you in two days. What is your second request?"

The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear.

As before, Silver takes off and disappears over the horizon.

Later that evening to the Chief's surprise Silver again returns. This time with a voluptuous brunette, even more attractive than the blonde. She enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.

The following morning the Indian chief is again impressed. "You are indeed a man of many talents but I will still kill you tomorrow. What is your last request???"

The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse alone."

The Chief is curious but he agrees and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent.

Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says, "Listen very carefully !!!! FOR...THE... LAST... TIME... I SAID .....BRING POSSE"


/snigger

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Aram
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Re: Crap jokes time.....

Bericht door Aram » 05 mei 2009, 15:07

Hahahaha, :clap: :clap:

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Kasteel
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Re: Crap jokes time.....

Bericht door Kasteel » 15 jun 2009, 22:02

Ex-girlfriend

I received a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend who, this morning, called 'out-of-the-blue' to see if I was still around.

We lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic times we used to enjoy together.

I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be interested in meeting up and rekindling a little of that 'old magic'.

'Wow!' I was flabbergasted.

'I don't know if I could keep pace with you now', I said, 'I'm a bit older

and a bit grayer and balder than when you last saw me. Plus I don't really have the energy I used to have.'

She just giggled and said she was sure I would 'rise to the challenge'.

'Yeah.' I said. 'Just so long as you don't mind a waistline that's a few inches wider these days! Not to mention my total lack of muscle tone...everything is sagging, my teeth are a bit yellowed and I am developing jowls like a Great Dane!'

She laughed and told me to stop being so silly.

She teased me saying that tubby, gray haired, older men were cute, and she was sure I would still be a great lover.



Anyway, she giggled and said, 'I've put on a few pounds myself!'




So I told her to f**k off.

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Joy
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Re: Crap jokes time.....

Bericht door Joy » 15 jun 2009, 22:13

:roflol:

Xave30
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Re: Crap jokes time.....

Bericht door Xave30 » 16 jun 2009, 00:12

HAHAHAHAHA
:roflol:

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